I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
