you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
