i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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