She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
