Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I did not marry a roomba.
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