you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
