I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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