I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize