Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
