about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
