Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
