My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize