ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
