My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
