Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
