u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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