If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
