Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
