I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
