My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
