When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
