Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
