this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize