carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize