she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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