Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
