Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
