We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
