He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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