I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize