Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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