if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
