Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize