I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize