Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
