Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bring me that man meat
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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