whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
