Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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