He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
