Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize