how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
