Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
