She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
