My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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