Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
