so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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