i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize
