i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
