Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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