Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
