You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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