Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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