ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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