Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
