Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
