You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize