Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
