My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
