paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
