Soap is not a condiment
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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