$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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