My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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