when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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