Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
