The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
