At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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