He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
