This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
