she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
