People with herpes should wear stickers.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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