Duck Duck Cougar?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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