I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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