its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
