I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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