Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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