I'm going to jail i love you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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