time to smoke my breakfast
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
