Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
