He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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