Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
