i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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