if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
