just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
