does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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