Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
