Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
