i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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