I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
