She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
