I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
