do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
