I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
