how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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