Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
