toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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