It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
