he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
