Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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